What we learned in Vegas

I meant to click on my Tag Surfer option but accidently hit “New Post” so here I am. My man and I were married in Vegas last week. It was wonderful and amazing and I guess I’ll make a list of the important things we learned in our travels.

1. 108 Degrees Fahrenheit is hot. Yes, it is a “dry” heat, but it is still motherflucking HOT. Especially when it is your wedding day and this heat breaks a record set in 1920.

2. If you’re staying anywhere on the center Strip, be prepared to pay at least as much for one bottle of water as you do for one gallon of gas (4.00 at this writing). The price gouging on water is off the charts. Yes, I know it’s the desert.

3. Lest you think you don’t need that much water… HA! You will find you NEED water desperately. Even if all you’ve done is taken the elevator in an air-conditioned hotel and it’s only 75 degrees out, you will start seeing lake mirages and your mouth will feel hairy. This is why they gouge you.

4. A lot of pretentious and snotty a-holes shop in the Forum Shops at Caesars. Kristen Wiig and Jason Sudeikis should do one of their Two A-hole sketches here.

5. The Strip population at any given moment in the late afternoon is 50% Pretentious A-hole Tourists / 30% Middle-Income A-hole Tourists / 2% Cool Middle-Income Tourists (like us, of course) / 10% Taxicabs / 8% Local Losers Handing Out Porn Flyers.

6. Caesars doesn’t f.ck around when it comes to statues (<—quote from Ham). (NOT our video)

 

7. As of this moment, Hard Rock Hotel & Casino basically sucks.

8. Graceland Wedding Chapel is an amazing place to get married.

9. The Cher store is Teh Awesum. (NOT our video, though I wish I had thought to film while speaking in a British accent!)

10. The Flamingo smells like your grandmother’s sunscreen.