I really hate it.

Oh my god. I really hate wedding planning. I really hate wedding planning!

Yeah, our wedding is over but the reception is next weekend. Everyone involved is doing the traditional little last-minute freak out thing. Questions changes questions changes questions changes.

Since everything that happened over the last few years I can’t take stress at all. Like you haven’t noticed. One thing and I break out in hives. I completely lose my cool all the time lately. I can’t wait until this is over!

Mishmash

I’ve been lazy. So sue me. I keep thinking of things to write about. And then not writing. Actually, I should not be so hard on myself. I’ve been married for exactly 16 days. it’s not difficult or anything. The concept is just so new. B and I have been together 10 years and lived together 4 already. This just makes it official. More often than not I find I have to remind myself to think of him as “my husband.” Mostly this has just been a change in vernacular.

And an exercise in patience waiting to be able to officially change my name. And I am torn about doing it anyway. I have always had a love/hate thing with my maiden name. I’m sick of spelling it for everyone, hearing jokes about snoozing and for most of my life I couldn’t wait to get rid of it. And then my father died. My grandfather, his father, is still alive – and he will be 89 in December. My sister got married and changed her name last year. So when grandpa passes away (and I’m not saying that will be soon – for having heart problems and diabetes, the old Marine has been strong as an ox!) I will be the only descendent left with the name. My father was the only son. Still, this is my opportunity to change to a name I don’t have to spell. I’m doing it, but under minor protest. And I’m keeping my maiden as the middle – I figure this a fair compromise.

I wanted to mention something completely different – Bon Jovi. I love the Jovi. Well, I did until this last tour which for the first time ever excluded my area, but I digress. Bon Jovi has this crazy ability to be “there for me” at the most opportune moments. Here’s an example:

Saturday evening B and I were at a local restaurant for dinner. Seated behind me in a booth were 6-8 kids of about 13 years of age. All girls except for one. You can imagine the cacophony. Their parents were at a table next to us and exhibited the same bad manners as their offspring. Toward the end of our meal I held my head in my hands, trying in vain to cover my ears and I told Brian I was “trying to go to my ‘happy’ place.” We had a giggle and then it happened, “I’ll Be There For You” by Bon Jovi came on the PA.

I’m not saying these events are important in the grand scheme of things. They just hit at the precisely right moment every time. This is a rare song to hear in public now. And “I’ll be there for you” was just what I could use at that moment.

It’s like, cosmic.

Or something.

What else? I had a migraine – low grade – for two days this week. I worked through it but it was SO annoying. I still expect it to come back at any moment. Sigh.

Best Wedding Reception Centerpiece EVER!

It involves Hungry Hungry Hippos. Click here to see it!

I wish we had the nerve!

Protected: Bundle Of Nerves

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Toaster Vs. Self

I was all set to unleash my glee over our new toaster. I really was.

At our recent wedding shower one of the gifts we received was the most beautiful red toaster one could ever imagine. I, myself, had selected this toaster out of the quite literally billions on the Target website and placed it upon our wedding registry, daring to dream someday it might be part of what will be our new Rockin Red Kitchen.

One of our relatives came through! And happiness was spread throughout the land!

We opened our Oster toaster over the weekend and, oh, it is a glorious sight to behold!

Simply gorgeous!

It matches the new microwave (which also Rules Everything Appliance) perfectly!

Imagine the joy when we found out our fab new toaster came with “advanced Toast Technology!”

By the way – love the subliminal messages on the packaging…”INSPIRED,” “SAVORY”…

Well, little did I know this little demon’s “advanced Toast Technology” really meant it will attack and attempt to kill it’s master! This morning I used my beloved for the first time and upon attempting to retrieve my bagel I was accosted and left with a mild second-degree burn on my right thumb. With the attempt to rescue part 2 of my bagel I achieved a minor 1st degree burn on my right ring finger.

Beware… the appliance revolt has begun!

 

Protected: April Dreams and April Showers

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Xmas = Over

Originally posted 12/26/2007

Back to pre-wedding freaking out for me.

I’ve already bought two dresses. First didn’t fit and was too “out there” for me anyway. I thought that was what I wanted, but, no. The second is a little too big but could probably be altered. The problem is that I’m pretty sure I don’t like it after all. 

My mood about this stuff changes with the wind. 

Before I had to have a long dress. Now I’m thinking of something shorter. 

UUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! 

Blame it all on my roots, I showed up in boots, and ruined your black tie affair…

Originally posted 12/02/2007

I went to a lot of weddings this year. And don’t get me wrong, they were all beautiful, lovely celebrations of love. But, what is it with wedding receptions? THOSE SONGS. You know the ones I mean. The songs that you hear at every wedding reception. The ones no one usually admits they like, but most will still dance to for the sake of “tradition” or something. The ones that make me want to strangle myself. Not all of these were played last night, but in honor of my upcoming celebration in the spring here is a list of songs I can assure you will not be played at our reception or the DJ will be not be paid and will be punched repeately instead:

1. The Locomotion – Kylie Minogue (or any version) – This immediately turns into a “train” dance with a line of guests holding each other’s hips in an awkward fashion, shuffling around the room taunting those who do not wish to participate. This is not technically “dancing.” The line always breaks, but seldom does this result in the end of the Conga Line Of Doom. No, instead there are now two CLOD to harass the rest of the guests. Blarf.

2. C’Mon ‘N Ride It (The Train) – Quad City DJs – see above

3. The Bunny Hop – (various versions) – see above + awkward jumping that creates confusion and injury.

4. The Chicken Dance (various versions) – Makes everyone look like an idiot. This is not necessarily bad. But when your drunk relatives are doing it (and nagging you to do the same) it ceases to be amusing.

5. Electric Boogie (Marcia Griffiths) – Yeah, you know why. This is the song that accompanies the dance known as “The Electric Slide.” Actually, I don’t have much of a problem with this but I know it annoys a lot of people. Probably mostly because it’s too hard for the average person to grasp the dance steps in a quick fashion. I had to look it up to find out this information, but I guess this became a “craze” in 1989. I turned 16 that year and have no recollection of such a “craze.” Then again, I had never gone to a wedding at that point. I remember hearing things about the dance here and there, but I went to high school dances and I don’t remember this being played at all. Maybe the “craze” was regional. As in, not in my region!

6. Macarena – Los Del Rio – Sweet Jesus, no explanation required.

7. YMCA – The Village People – Any other Village People song, perhaps (but probably not). But definitely not this one. Not at a wedding. Not ever. I’m sick of it.

8. Cha Cha Slide – Casper (original or part 2) – This is a newer entry, but in the seven short years of its existence it has become a wedding staple for reasons unknown. It is somehow even more difficult than Electric Slide even though the dance steps are called out in the lyrics. After some discussion with my mother last night we decided it is so difficult because the steps are called out too rapidly and are not always crystal clear (“Take it back now y’all”). You can barely wrap your brain around what your feet are supposed to be doing before he calls out something else to do. Every time I’ve seen this one done (and I did it the first time) it starts with perhaps 10 people on the dance floor. By the end there are 2 or 3 hearty souls left. Everyone else has given up.

9. Celebration – Kool & The Gang – Just overplayed at all celebrations of any type.

10. Shout – Isley Brothers – Perhaps it’s because I’m a huge Bon Jovi fan and they’ve closed almost every concert since 1989 with this song. Perhaps it’s just that it seems like such a long and redundant song. Whatever the reason – we no play, I promise!

11. Friends In Low Places – Garth Brooks – This one seems to have taken a breather, but about 10-15 years ago it was played at every wedding or family party I attended. Yes, I am hick born and raised.

12. The Hokey Pokey – (whomever) – This is not what it’s all about!

13. Old Time Rock and Roll – Bob Seeger – For the love of god, no.

14. Love Shack – The B-52s – I hated this song when it came out and I still hate it now. 

15. The Lady In Red – Chris DeBurgh (or however it’s spelled) – Blarf!

16. Celine Dion – Just can’t do it. Not any song. Just can’t.

17. Mambo No. 5 – Lou Bega – I don’t care if it has my sister’s name in it. She’s sick of it, too.

18. AC/DC – see Celine Dion…. (haha, that’s actually kinda funny!)

19. Mony, Mony (any version) – totally annoying, way too long, and the part where people are tempted to yell, “hey, hey what, get laid, get “f.*ed” is just too, too wrong.

20. I Will Survive – Glora Gaynor – Fun to sing? Sure, but guys hate it and it’s completely inappropriate for a wedding reception!

There are a lot of other songs that I am sick of in general but aren’t always played at weddings so they didn’t make my list . We are very particluar about our music. No crapola for us! I promise!